she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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