Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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