with your own penis?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
