When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Bring me that man meat
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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