I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
