she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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