I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
