JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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