so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
