nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
did i just pee glitter
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
