Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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