Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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