Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Randomize
