We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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