I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
