Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
