Having a random hookup so left but love u
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
