i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
