A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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