Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
