he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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