i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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