this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
