You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had to cum in my sink.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
