So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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