U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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