does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Holy sore nipples Batman
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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