its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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