wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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