She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
