Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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