youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am puke
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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