How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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