Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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