I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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