He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
