Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
