I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
