You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
