You work out of a Hotel?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
