new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
