i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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