Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
