You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
