I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
