Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
