dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to make out with him forever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
