Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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