Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
