Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
