i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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